The Mysterious Back Door

Originally featured at The Aries Chick

The subject of Taboo rears its ugly head, again.

I love the taboo. Tell me something isn’t commonly accepted or appreciated and I will try it. (Well, let me clarify, as long as it doesn’t involve the passing of bodily fluids or me vomiting. Just to be clear.)

One such Taboo that I have mentioned before is Anal Pleasure. Now, in recent years, the subject of Anal Play has lost a little of its terrifying fervor as men and women have become more accustomed to its existence and its potential for satisfying titillation. I have experienced Anal Sex before, but that occurred with KC, a man who should have been chemically castrated before he ever laid a hand on a fifteen year old version of Yours Truly.

The negative stigma that Anal Play carried with it since my experiences as a young girl made it very difficult for me to consider it with following partners. At the same time, no one asked for it either. Even during porn, if the scene turned to Anal, no matter how turned on I was previous to that shift, I would lose all interest, instantly when the ass on screen was penetrated.

Then I met “My Future Husband” and we had a long, sexy, terrifying conversation about Anal Sex, and my whole world ground to a halt for a few days. He was unaware of my absolute terror, but he sensed my apprehension and assured me we never needed to have it if it wasn’t something I was comfortable with. Yet, after hearing him describe his utter love of bum sex, followed by the comment, “we never have to do that,” made me cringe. If he likes it so much, how could I deprive him or myself of an experience that could result in pleasure for us both. Though he never felt deprived and never attempted to coerce or cajole, I myself set my eyes on reclaiming the sexuality of my ass.

My first step was to buy lube. Just the act of that purchase opened my mind to experimentation.

Next I started exploring that region when I ‘abused myself’. First it was just a finger at the precipice of the ass, but after a few sessions of that sensation and feeling the unbelievable twinge of pleasure it caused me, I went further with it.

One finger.

Then two…

Then I had the most unbelievably intense orgasm I’ve ever experienced by myself and I realized, there might be something to this whole ‘ass’ thing. As a result, this formerly anti-Anal porn vixen is now literally addicted to the Anal category of Redtube.com.

Anyone who stands resolute against Anal Play should consider a few things;

1) the exterior and early interior regions of the anus have a huge grouping of nerve endings, much like the first two internal inches of the vaginal orifice.

2) Much like a finger just a couple inches inside the vagina can stimulate the G-spot, the same can be done through the back door.

3) The act of submitting to your partner in such a complete and trusting way is one of the most moving concepts I can think of.

The sensations I get from stimulation there is not why I so desperately want “My Future Husband” to tap my ass on a constant basis, it is because the patience, gentleness, and love that it takes for a man to romance his lady’s bum is one of the most true and complete expressions of love I can think of and could ever experience.

Roses on my birthday are great, but taking an hour to passionately, patiently, and selflessly prepare me for the entrance of an above average johnson into my back door is something entirely different.

Camel Shit

Originally featured at The Virgo Chick

On my dating website page this man decided to message me solely based on looks.  Flattered, however.. .this is just silly!!

This is what he wrote me-

Subject: Your Suhi

“Hello just wondern are u tryn to have a seriouse relationship and want to knw if i could b tha man for u u look like a rose sent from heaven and want to make u blossom with love everyday we cherish together and show wat real love is and making u smile and happy everyday if u give me a chance”

This was my response…

“Wow, you’re really jumpin right into it huh? I mean, it all sounds real sweet and whatnot, but I’m a realist about this kind of stuff.. of course its valid to have an opinion on someone’s looks, but you don’t even know my name… and that’s an awful lot to promise- love everyday?

what if I just said hells yea!! are you the type of guy that will manipulate that situation to your advantage? or is there merit and truth in your words?
ok… that was a mouthful… I don’t usually go on rants like that, but I was somehow inspired to do so.

By the way- I don’t know if you’re aware, or if it was a typo- but in the subject line you typed “your suhi”… and didn’t know what that meant so I looked it up… it has a couple definitions- in Egypt, it means camel shit… hahahahaa… ahem.
and another one said born in “abnormal position” sooo I’m thinkin it was a typo… hehe

ok, now that I probably scared you off … lol”

I discovered a few things about myself, and the world; I am an editor, and the word for camel shit.  Who woulda’ thought?

Anal Bum Cover

Originally featured at The Aries Chick

Now, I am not going to be doing a piece on Anal Sex this evening (that is another time entirely), but I am going to gush over the bum.

The male backside.

My man’s backside.

Sure, we’ve all heard girls talking about gawking at some hunk’s bum in our time, but I never understood it. What was the allure of the shape, size, movement, muscle tone, of what I knew to be a hairy disgusting part of the human body. I was once the sad victim of having to see a naked ex-boyfriend bend over while nude only to realize the guy had bum crumbs. Bum crumbs! Are you fucking serious?

Anyway, so needless to say, I was never a huge fan of the backside.

Then I met “My Future Husband.” Or more aptly, I met “My Future Husband’s” bum. (There is a picture of it on my computer somewhere. I’m going to go gawk at it in a moment, but for now, I will imagine….)

He has the most perfect, toned, juicy, gorgeous butt in the history of mankind. The curve of the cheeks, the divets in his lower back, the round perfect bottom that just makes me ache to squeeze it. At first, I didn’t take too much notice, I was too enamored with his perfect manhood to notice how perfect his bum was while I was grabbing onto it screaming “Don’t Stop.”

Then he dropped his towel one morning after a shower and stood at his bureau and I took my first good look. I’ve been planning its assault ever since.

Now, I have threatened a tickling finger during blow jobs before (not during my performance, but I threatened in conversation to see how he’d react. He used the word ‘erotic’ so I assume we’re a go) and I have given him long languid massages that involved my lips and tongue just inches away. His response was always positive. Still, I don’t think he realizes just how bad I want to give it to that tush.

I want to smack those cheeks, bite them, squeeze them, raspberry between them, and…get this…I think I want to toss that man’s salad.

Are you fucking kidding me, you ask?

I know, right?

The thought always disgusted the crap out of me (oh my pun addiction rears its ugly head), whenever Chris Rock mentioned it in his stand-up or it was mentioned on Oz, for that matter, I cringed and shivered. All I could think of was images of those bum crumbs from when I was a teenager going out with a man who couldn’t apparently wipe his own ass. Yet, “My Future Husband” inspires me so completely. I want to please every inch of him.

It’s the most unnerving urge I’ve ever had, sexually.

Hopefully it won’t be too unnerving when I’m performing the “Dirty Trombone” on my mancakes.

Romancing the Bone

Originally featured on The Aries Chick

 

The title of this post was written before I even decided what I would write about. Apparently, I am writing about pleasing the willy (in my mind I was contemplating a post on pleasing my guy’s bum, but that will wait apparently).

This may indeed be in response to The Sag Chick’s piece on A Good BJ, but who doesn’t want to wax poetic on the subject of boners, I mean really.

My methods of penile pleasing were inspired by instinct alone. The first man I was ever with (KC) received me in my full primal, experimental glory. I did what felt good to me and succeeded with gusto every time. He never gave me tips, never showed me any ‘methods’, he just lay back like a lazy schmuck and raved about how I was too skilled at it to be a virgin.

I was a virgin. I was just the kind of virgin who is hell bent on pleasing her partner and praying she does the right thing at the right time. After KC and I ended, no one received my true blow job methods until I met “My Future Husband”. He was the first man I’d been with where I felt comfortable being myself again. Though, I will be honest, I was still a little nervous of how graceful he would perceive me once I was spitting in my hand.

The process of a blow job with me is simple; start by doing what feels good TO YOU. Knowing that only 15% of women enjoy performing fellatio, I suppose that advice will fall flat on many women. So if you aren’t blessed with the divine goddess urges of cock pleasing, I’ll share my mannerisms when dealing with the ‘Nuts and Berries’.

First, if I touch him and he is hard, stroking will cause too much friction, so I lubricate.

Discreetly spitting in my hand to start and later onto the head of his erection. (Never openly spit, ladies. Unless your man likes that sort of thing, remain discreet about it.) This will slip up the works so I can stroke with abandon.

Second, I kiss every region of his goodies EXCEPT the shaft. Hands only… for a few minutes.

When I am ready to dive in, I open my mouth, let my open lips touch the shaft and slide up to the head. The Sargent will usually jump at this.

Then, when I do go for it, depending on my mood, I either tease a little into my mouth at a time OR….OR I impale my face as far down his cock as I can, with NO hand involvement.

Rules I like to stick with:

Never do the same thing for more than a minute or two. You can come back to it, but variety keeps him guessing. Suck for a minute, then stroke quickly over the head a few seconds before going back with your mouth.

Use your hands as an extension of your mouth (hence the spit), but sometimes completely remove hands from the equation. Put them behind your back, your head, grab your tits, whatever the case may be, and let the only sensation he feels be you sucking forcefully (yet gently girls, don’t hurt him…unless he wants you to?)

Tend to the berries, girls. Suck em, lip em, lick em, massage em. Take care of them. You should know your mans Balls better than he does, god damn it!

And GUYS! Tend to your berries as well. Keep them clean and thoroughly manscaped. (And Check Your Own Nuts weekly!)

Now, I may be the only girl out there who enjoys this idea, but I secretly want to tickle his bum during a good blow job as well. A wet finger on the outer rim while I am sucking him. Haven’t sprung that on “My Future Husband”, but the more comfortable I get, the more in danger he is of insanely passionate, all encompassing, mind blowing sex. Well, moreso than we have had thus far.

Now, given all these thoughts, be careful. If you are capable with an erection in your hands, you need to be responsible. I’ve had it go off before I intended because I was too zealous for my craft. Always keep a handle on your man’s level of arousal or you could end up with an eyeful and no weenie to ride afterward.

Take your time. Good sex isn’t a race.

To Spank or Not to Spank

Originally featured on The Aries Chick

Oh, to spank. Indeed, to spank.

Perhaps it isn’t for everyone; having a strong, warm hand slamming into the soft flesh of your bare buttocks, perhaps paired with some naughty commentary or silent understanding, the spanking is a truly magical deed to share with your partner.

It may be intimidating to some; men may be afraid of hurting their lady and women may be afraid of getting hurt, but if done correctly and with mutual consent, a spanking is like the sugar to a Strawberry Daquiri.

I love lying alongside “My Future Husband” and feeling his hands carressing my body, my side, my backside, then after a moment of soft, gentle touches, a loud smack, and I’m riding him like Falkor (sorry for the hardcore geek reference, but if you get it, you get it).

There are moments when a well placed smack is appropriate and often required for my release:

1) During doggy-style or any position where my backside is exposed to my partner.

2) While cooking in the kitchen, standing in a department store, waiting at the dry cleaners; a soft, firm hand against a cheek is an immediate invitation for sexual congress by the end of the day.

In fact, bringing the bedroom into the real world is an exciting way to keep the fire alight. Giving your woman a surreptitious tap on the ass in public is a naughty and flirtatious way to remind her that you lust for her and find her sexual. Still, if she isn’t a spanking aficionado, a hand on the bum, a whisper in the ear, a longer than normal kiss can be an acceptable alternative.

Some women have a hair across their ass about being ‘degraded’ and want you to read their manifesto, but in the end, sex is for everyone and we all express it differently. I like for my partner to smack my bum and please it at the same time.

Rules about when not to spank:

1) If you aren’t a strong male, don’t spank your strong female.

(I had a miserable spanking experience with a guy who wanted me to literally treat him as though I was his mother in life. Him spanking me…nauseating.)

2) If she or you are not comfortable with it.

You wouldn’t ask her to juggle knives if it wasn’t her skill set, don’t ask her to take a wallop from you if she’s not into it. Don’t be that guy. That guy gets his balls squished by girls like me.

Dude, seriously?

Originally featured at The Aries Chick

First I pose a question to the ladies; do you enjoy receiving oral sex?

In most cases, yes. Especially when the guy has patience and a willingness to listen and experiment. Yet, all of those wonderful tendencies fly right out the window when he comes up after a few minutes blowing power snots.

Am I the only one who experienced this. Guys, there is no reason for you to have a runny nose after you perform oral. Ladies usually don’t want you pressing your nose into their business. In fact, with me, if your nose is touching anything moist, you’re way too low to get me off. Fail.

There are few things out there that skeeve me more than having a guy try to kiss me with ‘me’ all over his face, let alone with me dripping from his nose. What the hell is wrong with you?

Ok, sorry. Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so abrasive, but dear god those experiences made me lose sight of how much I like sex. I am so unbelievably glad to have found a man who is skilled in both his ability to perform such deeds, but also keep the business end of it out of his nostrils. The absence of vaginal snot in my life is truly a blessing, but I fear there may be women out there now who suffer the same fate.

I might perform oral on my guy in the middle of a long shagging session, but that’s my choice and I’m tasting myself off his gorgeous manhood. It’s a far better experience than just having yourself smeared all over your own face by a sloppy kisser. (and let’s be honest, in my experience the two guys with post oral runny nose were also severely sloppy kissers. Blech!)

Some tips for your guy to keep him from being ‘that dude’:

1) Part her lips with your fingers when you are down there (or ask her to) so you have better access to the clitoris as well as less inclination to get your nose submerged.

2) Most women enjoy indirect stimulation of the clitoris, which means approaching from the sides or above (or below). In all of those situations, your nose should be NO WHERE near her business.

3) When and if you choose to penetrate with your tongue (required!) aim your nose upward.

4) Keep a towel near the bed so when you are done administering unto your lady you can wipe your face (blow your nose if you really can’t figure this one out) before you go near her upper half.

Really, it isn’t rocket science. I’m happy to say I’ve never approached my mancakes’ lips with semen on my chin or in my hair. Though some might like that sort of thing, it’s a good idea to clarify first.

Table for Two?

Originally featured on The Virgo Chick

I realize that good guys do exist, the kind that hold you and not simply hug you. After the “teenie peenie” incident I refuse to push any experience aside. I do have the tendency to get wrapped up in one person too quickly, so this weekend fling needs to be hung out to dry as quickly as possible. Our short time together was coincidentally matched by his penis… and this is not an insult to smaller guys, it’s just not my preference. This, I decided to overlook, simply because he held me.

To give a little background on my love life, or lack there of, I am 23 going on 24 years of age and have been with 4 men. Two of which do not cuddle, one who has to be asked and the other, the most recent of the four, has still left an imprint of his leg on mine. Now, in my life, I have never fully understood the concept and/ or hype of this cuddling business. My experiences have been limited to small twin sized mattresses and back seats of cars, so holding each other was not part of the game plan. This did not lead to low self-esteem or self-loathing- how can you miss something that you have never encountered? Of course I was still curious.

I had engaged in conversation with said, teenie peenie on a dating website. He had messaged me because the site matched us, duh, and he found me to be “cute.” And so it began! Back and forth for about a week; the tête-à-tête was amusing and somewhat charming, which lead me to think we might arrange for a date. We did indeed meet on a Saturday, early dinner and a movie at his place, followed by a make out session and eventual removal of clothing. At an early 8:30pm he lead me to his room where the remainder of clothing we still occupied was eventually let go. Needless to say I was a bit disappointed in the nether regions but gave him the benefit of the doubt.

After all was said and done, we cuddled, just like I thought we would. Ha, he wanted to fall asleep… it was only 9 o’clock, the TV was still on and my current bed time is generally in the am! So I woke him up we watched TV, and then I gave him a reason to be tired.

We fell asleep together; well, he did most of the sleeping I was just so wrapped up in the fact that this guy was holding me. Of course we all have our insecurities but it didn’t matter- he held my hand, rubbed my back, not like a massage but it was gentle. And he held me. Thinking about it now, looking back to that weekend, I had only known this man for a little over a week and I had been more intimate with him than any of my other of my past relationships. My ex that I had been seeing on and off for 2 years never made me feel that warm and comfortable in bed.

My point is, that this will be a learning experience that I will not be able to relate to any another man. It is my learning experience to determine who I am. We may not have the same views, and his insecurities might have gotten the best of him, but because of all of this I’ve seen the potential of some men and what I have come to desire.

I’ve come to the conclusion- I like cuddling.

When it rains, it pours. When it doesn’t…

Originally featured at The Aries Chick

Dear god, I am a sexual creature.

When I have lust for my partner, it is a steamy, passionate, unstoppable need that will only be sated by the bastard’s hands on me and his pelvic region blasting into mine. And in most cases, a languid kiss or a tweak of my nipples will open the flood gates and drown any innocent bystanders who may have been enjoying an afternoon picnic on the shores of my vaginal area.

One would think that is enough to ride out an hours long banging session, but you’d be surprised.

“You’re getting dry down there,” has been uttered by the love of my life and dear god if ever I felt small, it was at that moment. His comment was made out of concern and a willingness to fix the problem, but in my mind it was me failing him and I hadn’t even noticed it myself. I was having a ball. (Mind you, the comment came after a good long pulverizing of my cervix by the head of his cock without our usual long hours of foreplay, but what can I say? My slippery nature seems to only stay strong in events of Burglary and Hide and Seek.) Now, I wasn’t the Sahara, by any means, I just wasn’t as wet as I had been. Still, that was enough to send me into blush city.

I would compare the pointing out of that issue as similar to telling a guy he has a small penis. It suddenly brings your ability to please your partner into question and makes you self conscious, or perhaps even feel that something is wrong with you.

Well, I did some research, and there isn’t. Over 70% of women will experience issues with it at some point in their lives.

Some things to keep in mind:

1) Varied levels of self lubrication can be affected by stress, birth control, diet, dehydration, and of course arousal levels.

2) If you have never noticed issues with lubrication, but HAVE had sex where the act of thrusting began to hurt/burn (not the pain felt when a grand sized johnson batters your cervix. That’s a different and sometimes amazing kind of pain…if done right) then, my dear gal, you HAVE had issues with self-lubricating during intercourse.

2) The level of lubrication varies depending on the stage of arousal. We flood, then we settle, like the Mississippi, boys and girls. If during sex you aren’t being stimulated in a manner that is going to cause continued arousal or lead to orgasm, your lubrication can dwindle until another stimulus begins.

3) IF you’re male and your lady is getting less slippery, don’t stop and point it out, just keep a water based lube near the bed OR stop and assault her with your tongue. Either will replenish the fluids a lot better than a comment that could very well make her self conscious. And next time…more foreplay FTW!